"For they loved the praise of men more than the praise of God." ~ John 12:43
Okay...so, I didn't set out to blog hymn titles, necessarily, but this just happens to be what's socking me in the gut right now.
Andy has been working on an instrumental arrangement of "Be Thou My Vision" with some friends from church and they were supposed to play it during the service this past Sunday. As we were getting ready to leave the house, we got a call that the pianist was home sick, so they'd decided to play it some other time. In one of those "slow motion" moments, I blurted, "Do they still need special music?". Immediately, I covered my mouth. -- I can't believe I just said that. Just kidding...Nevermind. I don't want to do it. I don't feel like singing this morning. I d... -- Before I could get out my next excuse, my husband said, "It's perfect! Great idea! Let's do it!" Grrrreat. What had I gotten myself into? I was completely unprepared, at least mentally, to sing a solo. Normally, I'm content to sing a harmony part...in fact, I love it. I always struggle with my nerves when I sing in church. It's just me...raw...completely open before the Lord and my church family, who, are inclined to shout quite often. ;)
It had to be the Lord yanking those words out of my mouth, because I never would have suggested it otherwise. Deep down, I knew I had to do it. I didn't know why, but I knew if I chickened out I'd regret it later. I fought it for a good half hour, but finally conceded to obedience.
On the way to church, Andy and I talked about the unique struggle that artists/musicians have with the fear of man. We can be simultaneously confident in our gifts and abilities and still desire praise from our superiors, our peers and our audiences to the point of near devastation when we don't receive it. It's a dichotomy, much like the Christian life. We are secure as believers...we know that "Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new." (2 Corinthians 5:17)...and yet, we battle the flesh daily (Matt. 26:41; Rom. 8:6).
During the song service that morning, our song leader chose "Be Thou My Vision" as the last song. I'm still not sure whether or not he knew that was the song they had been working on as an instrumental, but the Lord made sure it was included in the service one way or another. As many times as I've heard and sung that song in my lifetime, that particular morning, the words hit me like they never had before. "Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise, Thou mine inheritance, now and always: Thou and Thou only, first in my heart, High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art."
There it was. That sock in the gut I mentioned earlier. Was it any coincidence that our song was next? Because I was already wrecked by the song service, I didn't stand a chance. I was pretty much choked up through the entire song ("In Christ Alone"), and eventhough I didn't sing it as perfectly as I wanted to, I didn't completely fall apart. Looking out over the congregation, I felt my church family holding me up. Some were crying, some smiling, some shouting. The anxiety of trying to "perform" melted away and worship was the result.
When it was over, our pastor approached the pulpit and joked, "It kinda makes you sick, doesn't it? They almost look like they love each other..." He then went on to say how every song, including ours, fit perfectly with what the Lord had laid on his heart to preach.
The two things I pray for the most when Andy and I do anything together is that: 1) our marriage would honor God and inspire others and 2) whatever we do would be in perfect obedience and alignment with God's will.
Had we not fulfilled this small task, it wouldn't have been the end of the world, but I would've missed a BIG lesson in obedience, fear and pride. The Holy Spirit doesn't promote self, but testifies of Christ (John 15:26, 16:13). When we are yielded to the Spirit, the flesh falls away and Christ is glorified.
Lord Jesus, may I always be sensitive to your Spirit and obedient in even the smallest tasks set before me. Thank you for shattering my pride. I pray that I would seek only Your approval and not the praise of men. You have made me completely clean. Help me to walk in my spotlessness more freely and openly. In Your Precious Name I pray, Amen.
On the way to church, Andy and I talked about the unique struggle that artists/musicians have with the fear of man. We can be simultaneously confident in our gifts and abilities and still desire praise from our superiors, our peers and our audiences to the point of near devastation when we don't receive it. It's a dichotomy, much like the Christian life. We are secure as believers...we know that "Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new." (2 Corinthians 5:17)...and yet, we battle the flesh daily (Matt. 26:41; Rom. 8:6).
During the song service that morning, our song leader chose "Be Thou My Vision" as the last song. I'm still not sure whether or not he knew that was the song they had been working on as an instrumental, but the Lord made sure it was included in the service one way or another. As many times as I've heard and sung that song in my lifetime, that particular morning, the words hit me like they never had before. "Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise, Thou mine inheritance, now and always: Thou and Thou only, first in my heart, High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art."
There it was. That sock in the gut I mentioned earlier. Was it any coincidence that our song was next? Because I was already wrecked by the song service, I didn't stand a chance. I was pretty much choked up through the entire song ("In Christ Alone"), and eventhough I didn't sing it as perfectly as I wanted to, I didn't completely fall apart. Looking out over the congregation, I felt my church family holding me up. Some were crying, some smiling, some shouting. The anxiety of trying to "perform" melted away and worship was the result.
When it was over, our pastor approached the pulpit and joked, "It kinda makes you sick, doesn't it? They almost look like they love each other..." He then went on to say how every song, including ours, fit perfectly with what the Lord had laid on his heart to preach.
The two things I pray for the most when Andy and I do anything together is that: 1) our marriage would honor God and inspire others and 2) whatever we do would be in perfect obedience and alignment with God's will.
Had we not fulfilled this small task, it wouldn't have been the end of the world, but I would've missed a BIG lesson in obedience, fear and pride. The Holy Spirit doesn't promote self, but testifies of Christ (John 15:26, 16:13). When we are yielded to the Spirit, the flesh falls away and Christ is glorified.
Lord Jesus, may I always be sensitive to your Spirit and obedient in even the smallest tasks set before me. Thank you for shattering my pride. I pray that I would seek only Your approval and not the praise of men. You have made me completely clean. Help me to walk in my spotlessness more freely and openly. In Your Precious Name I pray, Amen.
"This I say then, walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfill the lusts of the flesh." ~Galatians 5:16
