"Draw nigh unto God, and he will draw nigh to you..." {James 4:8}
I recently came across a book on my shelf that I'd forgotten that I had -- A Woman's Call to Prayer: Making Your Desire to Pray a Reality, by Elizabeth George (author of A Woman After God's Own Heart). It had a $3.99 price sticker on the cover from a Bible outlet store that no longer exists, which indicated that it had been years since I purchased it. I had "dog-earred" a stopping place somewhere in the second chapter and never picked it up again. I admit that I have a bit of A.D.D. when it comes to books sometimes. There are so many I want to read that I'll often start one while still in the middle of another, never to finish the one left behind. When I finally do rediscover that forgotten book, however, it's exactly what I need at that particular time.
The Lord had put a desire in my heart to further study what the Bible says about prayer. I had become somewhat distracted in my prayer life. I would read my Bible, begin to pray, and inevitably, get distracted by a noise outside or thoughts of what I needed to get done that day. Then, I'd snap out of it, say a quick, "Lord bless (insert name here)..." or "Thank you for (fill in the blank)...Amen." For this reason, among others, I like to keep a prayer journal. It helps me to focus on things that I need to pray for, but it also increases my faith to look back over the pages and see answered prayers. I was not at all surprised that this old/new book of mine suggested keeping a journal. It just so happened that I had a brand new one my husband had given me for Christmas that I hadn't yet started. I'm making a very nerdy confession when I tell you that a fresh, clean journal is exciting to me. I can forget about past burdens and start anew. It's a beautiful thing!
As I began this new journal, I not only wrote down my prayers, but any thoughts from the book that I wanted to remember as well as scriptures pertaining to prayer. As I copied down the precious words of God, I was convicted of my unbelief. Oh, I believe God is who He says He is and that He is the only way...but do I live out His promises as if they apply to me personally?
"Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us..." {Ephesians 3:20}
**"And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive." {Matthew 21:22}
"He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?" {Romans 8:32}
I believe God's word. I believe those things. The one I had the most trouble with was...
"Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward." {Psalm 127:3}
This month marks 3 years since my husband and I began earnestly seeking the Lord in this area of our lives. Although we always desired children, we always said, "We'll wait 3-5 years (after we get married) and then we'll start having kids...". Well, we've now been married for 6 and we're still a family of 2. We didn't expect that when we decided to "trust God" in this area, that we would have to wait as long as we have. It has been a true test that, I believe, has strengthened our faith and our marriage. Although we still do not have children, we are seeing Romans 8:28 made real in our lives. I am humbled by my husband's trust in the Lord. His heart encourages mine when my emotions take over.
In the last 3 years, the Lord has done some remarkable things in us and for us! He led us to the best church in the world, where we are continually fed the truth and experience more liberty than anywhere we've ever been. Every couple of months...sometimes every couple of weeks, there is a baby announcement, and we rejoice with our friends who are training up children in the way they should go {Proverbs 22:6}.
I admit that when I have gone to the grocery store and seen a mother being hateful to her children or have heard an expectant mother who constantly complains, I have often questioned the Lord. I'll read Psalm 127:3 and think to myself, "Yeah, right...". I've often thought, "Lord...I wouldn't complain! I'd be the happiest woman on earth!". I had no idea how prideful I was.
The Bible has a lot to say about pride.
"The LORD shall cut off all flattering lips, and the tongue that speaketh proud things..." {Psalm 12:3}
"Whoso privily slandereth his neighbour, him will I cut off: him that hath an high look and a proud heart will not I suffer." {Psalm 101:5}
"Though the LORD be high, yet hath he respect unto the lowly: but the proud he knoweth afar off." {Psalm 138:6}
"Everyone that is proud in heart is an abomination to the Lord: though hand join in had, he shall not be unpunished." {Proverbs 16:5}
"Better is the end of a thing than the beginning thereof: and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit." {Ecclesiastes 7:8}
"But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble." {James 4:6}
Reading these verses and the many others dealing with this topic, I learned that my own pride had been hindering my prayer life. Through my tears, I wrote a prayer of repentance to the Lord. I was heartbroken to realize that by having those proud thoughts, I was calling God a liar and I was telling Him that I knew what was best for my life.
The Lord is so faithful, even when I am not. I can't even love and trust Him like I should in my own strength. Jesus said, **"I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing." {John 15:5}. But I thank God that He also said, **"...My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness..." {2 Corinthians 12:9}.
The next morning, during my devotion, I read another chapter in my book, which lead me to the following scriptures:
"If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land." {2 Chronicles 7:14}
"Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." {Psalm 139:23-24}
"The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit." {Psalm 34:18}
That last verse brought the hymn "Nearer, Still Nearer" to my mind. After I copied it down in my journal, I ran and got my hymn book and began to copy the lyrics down as well. About half way through, I realized, "This is a prayer!". So, at the bottom of the page, underneath the lyrics, I wrote, "This is my prayer today, Lord! Thank you for your Word! Your promises are TRUE! I love you, Lord Jesus! Amen."
Later that evening, my husband and I headed to church for the Wednesday night service. Usually, Wednesday night church consists of prayer requests and Bible study. We don't typically have a song service on Wednesday nights unless our pastor feels led to do so. I am thankful that our pastor is sensitive to the Holy Spirit and can sense when certain things need more attention. This particular Wednesday night, he called our missionary of music up to lead us in "Jesus Paid It All". After we finished singing, our pastor stepped forward, hymn book in hand, and suggested we continue with "Nearer, Still Nearer," as if it were an invitation, exhorting us to come to the altar or bow in our seat and bring our burdens to the Lord or just thank God for being so good to us. His exact words were, "Make this your prayer!"
You could've knocked me over with a feather! I wanted to shout, "I already have!". I sat in my seat, bowed my head and cried. In that moment, I knew the Lord had heard my deepest prayers. I thanked my Saviour for reaching down and wrapping His loving arms around me...personally.
That was one week ago. Since then, I've experienced some sweet moments of communion with Him and He continues to encourage me and make His presence known in my daily life. As painful as it was to recognize my sin, my precious Lord forgave me and poured out His love for me "exceeding abundantly above" all that I could ask or think.
"Nearer, Still Nearer"
Nearer, still nearer - close to Thy heart
Draw me, my Saviour, so precious Thou art
Fold me, O fold me close to Thy breast
Shelter me safe in that "Haven of Rest"
Shelter me safe in that "Haven of Rest"
Nearer, still nearer - Nothing I bring
Nought as an off'ring to Jesus my King
Only my sinful, now contrite heart
Grant me the cleansing Thy blood doth impart
Grand me the cleansing Thy blood doth impart
Nearer, still nearer - Lord to be Thine
Sin with its follies I gladly resign
All of its pleasures, pomp and its pride
Give me but Jesus, my Lord crucified
Give me but Jesus, my Lord crucified
Nearer, still nearer - while life shall last
Till safe in glory my anchor is cast
Thru endless ages, ever to be
Nearer, my Saviour, still nearer to Thee
Nearer, my Saviour, still nearer to Thee
Note: The words of Jesus Christ are marked with a **.
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